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Wednesday, August 6th, 2003

Subject:Breaking the Habit...
Time:8:07 pm.
Mood: blank.
I read Rob's post...on who you truly are, deep down inside...It really made me think...I mean...about who I am (duh)...I came to the conclusion that who I am in real life isn't all that bad....

But who I am in LiveJournal....

It's different...

I feel safe to post my fears and insecurities on LiveJournal...which maybe I shouldn't do...but in many people's eyes, that makes me a prissy whiny bitch.

Which I really do not consider myself to be...

I can't change people's opinions of me.

Jessica Smith is a real person. She really is my girlfriend. The reason you've never met her? I don't feel I have to introduce her to you all. Vince has indeed met her.

Honestly, I don't care if you all think she's real or not. But I know she is...which honestly, is all that matters, because I don't care what others think of me. I decided that a long time ago, when I was bullied and teased. Which, again, vicious cycle, Steve is now becoming a bully to me. Fuck him, I don't care.

Anyway...I cannot change who I am on LiveJournal, as I feel it is a safe place to post my insecurities and shit.

To which I have said before, if you don't like reading it, simply surf to another site.

However...

This journal will be deleted at midnight tonite, Wednesday August 6th.

I can't stand all the shit that happens simply because of this public forum...my life was a lot better when I had no LiveJournal.

i don't know what's worth fighting for / or why i had to scream / i don't know why i instigate / and say what i don't mean / i don't know how i got this way / i know it's not alright / so i'm breaking the habit / i'm breaking the habit / tonite.
24 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Tuesday, August 5th, 2003

Time:10:49 pm.
Mood:extremely suicidal.
i find it ironic that steve said i always piss and moan, even not including the journal, even tho he and i have not hung out together in like a year...and i was happy about my glasses...otherwise i woulda been "Fuck! I got new glasses and they suck all ass!" and that woulda been pissin and moaning....

on top of that my girlfriend just got pissed because i asked why her cousin always feels like he has to watch us kissing....
3 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:10:40 pm.
Mood:suicidal.
steve officially hates me....i would post the actual aim conversations here but people consider that to be childish...i hate myself already and apparently he knows that...

excerpts from steve:

"FUCK OFF DUDE"

"I AM TIRED OF YOUR SHIT"

"ALL YOU DO IS PISS AND FUCKING MOAN"

"IT'S NOT THE FUCKING JOURNAL IT'S YOU"

why tell somebody who is and has always been on the tip of suicide all this? i'll never commit suicide tho...coward's way out....but i always think of inflicting pain on myself somehow....

i'm sick....i'm a waste of human flesh...

and if you hate me like steve hates me then just tell me in the comments page and i will not bother you anymore....
2 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:10:17 pm.
Mood: confused.
Ok, I don't know what's up with Steve, but according to him everything I do and say is stupid bullshit that nobody wants to hear....

And I've always thought of myself being kind of generous....y'know, car adapters, speakers, keyboards, mice....etc....given to friends for free....

But merh....

No more good deeds for a while....
4 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Sunday, August 3rd, 2003

Time:6:01 pm.

The hurt inside is fading / this shit's gone way too far / All this time I've been waiting / Oh I cannot grieve anymore / for once inside awaking / I'm Not / I'm not a whore / you've taken everything / and oh i cannot give anymore.

I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:5:31 pm.
Mood:Tired / Bitchy / Aggravated.
Oi, I'm VERY fucking tired right now, because of multiple things, but I'm going to say something I probably should've said a while ago:

Catherine "Katie" Esch, I am so surprised you have some of the friends you do. Me, personally, having been considered a "friend" of yours once or twice, it seems one-sided. It seems I am quite nice to you, even when you try to walk all over me, either physically or vocally. So y'know something? I'm tired of the bullshit. If you were a real friend, you'd at least try and give me advice in the situation. But all you can say is "Get a spine".

So what if I'm a fucking Ikari Shinji type personality? At least I try to be socially adept and friendly, which honestly, is a bit more than I can say about you.

I am kind of mad right now, at you, which is mostly the reason for this post. This isn't slander or anything...it's just my take on you. Yes, I'd still like to be your friend, but then again you probably have never considered me to actually be your friend.

No big loss on my part.


If this alienates me from other people, then let me say this: You are sheep. Yes, I have problems with Katie, and I understand that if you're a friend with Katie and me, but I'd expect that you wouldn't take her side and say "Fuck Ben!" just because she and I have problems. That's no way to live.

I don't regret posting this at all. I really don't. If I get into fights wiith anyone over this, I simply say this -- I have problems with Katie. And I don't think the "friendship" between she and I will EVER get any better...so why prolong the misery?

I'm tired of working on something that's so one sided.
6 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Saturday, August 2nd, 2003

Subject:misery has a companion...
Time:11:01 pm.
Mood: bored.
i am so fucking bored right now...nothing to do...wanna go out driving for a while, but barely any gas and i can't drive after midnight....to make things worse:

ZeroWulf92 (10:57:58 PM): *slams head into keyboard*
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:04 PM): h y676
BlackdragonNyte (10:58:16 PM): ?
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:19 PM): jhnkjrtfgvyujbn uyhj7uy7h
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:28 PM): *slamming head into keyboard*
BlackdragonNyte (10:58:29 PM): stop being stupid
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:34 PM): i really am
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:45 PM): I am so bored right now i am slamming my head into my keyboard
BlackdragonNyte (10:58:45 PM): fine
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:48 PM): seriously
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:50 PM): not bored with you
ZeroWulf92 (10:58:53 PM): just in general
BlackdragonNyte (10:59:05 PM): then keep slamming it till you die
BlackdragonNyte (10:59:08 PM): i have to go now
ZeroWulf92 (10:59:11 PM): ....?
ZeroWulf92 (10:59:15 PM): you really hate me
ZeroWulf92 (10:59:17 PM): don't you
BlackdragonNyte (10:59:21 PM): doens't everyone?
BlackdragonNyte (10:59:23 PM): bye
BlackdragonNyte signed off at 10:59:26 PM.

weep for me, for i am emo....

god i am so bored...
2 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:3:03 pm.
John Cusack quizCollapse )
I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:1:57 pm.
i feel like such a fucking asshole...somebody shoot me...

how bout it? anyone want to pull the trigger?
10 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Friday, August 1st, 2003

Time:12:28 am.
Mood: amused.
I'm sittin here in my room, just thinking...

I have so much I want to do...

but yet...

all i want to do is hug my girlfriend...

and sit with her in the park and talk to her...

fuck.

is this love?
I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:12:17 am.
Heh....This is great...
punk
Oi your a true punk! You know the history of punk
and why it started you! You kick ass! Way to
go! Your an official punk! Oi Rock on!


.::Are you a real punk?::.(Fixed!)
brought to you by Quizilla
1 Punch | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:12:05 am.
You're Stevo! the great punk rocker with blue hair
all the way, You love your best friend more
than anything, and are willing to do anything
for them. You have a profound interest in the
true nature of punk and anarchy itself, too bad
that in the end you realize that everyone is
really a poser. you're a really cool person
trying to find your way.


which SLC Punk! character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're BOB!
You're BOB!
Also known as Heroin Bob, you've never really done
any drugs. You're more laid back than most of
your friends. Although you're the one that
"started it all", you don't act so
hard-core. You're not a bad kid, but people
tend to screw you over.


Which SLC Punk Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Heroin Bob
You are Heroin Bob!


Which SLC Punk are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I don't know what it is about SLC Punk, I just love that flick so so much...
I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Thursday, July 31st, 2003

Subject:Something for Davi...
Time:11:19 pm.
Mood: amused.
maha is a misstirious cat player.
you are maha, a very stange and quiet character.


what .hack character are you
brought to you by Quizilla
1 Punch | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:12:33 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Goddamn it all, Livejournal Politics are a son of a bitch.....

When someone makes a post which you think is deliberately aimed at humiliating you, and so you post a reply to insult them....

Damn. I think I HATE livejournals now.

I think I should do what Cobain did and keep notebook journals...
2 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Tuesday, July 29th, 2003

Time:10:30 pm.
Andrew "Drew" Hohmann is a fucking asshole. That is all.
8 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:1:38 pm.
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] href"http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/lollipop_lane/slcpunkquiz.html">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<center><a href"http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/lollipop_lane/slcpunkquiz.html" target="new">
<img src="http://images.deviantart.com/large/indyart/indymisc/stevow.jpg" border=0></a><br>
<br><a href="http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/lollipop_lane/slcpunkquiz.html" target="new">Which SLC Punk character are you?</a>
<br>this quiz was made by <a
href="http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/lollipop_lane/home.html">Em</a></center>
2 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Subject:~*SIGH*~
Time:1:25 pm.
Mood: confused.
Hmmmmm.....well....things are....going.....ehhh......

Haven't talked to Jacqueline since Thursday, and I feel like a dick because I didn't come back over Friday like I said...But the only reason I didn't was because I had to take care of something in my relationship with my girlfriend. Something that -- y'know....

Jess and I broke up thursday nite after I left Katie's house and got over to Jess' house.

An hour later we were back together after talking about it.

Essentially her bitch of a friend talked her into breaking up with me, and then after she did she realized what she'd done and how stupid it was....

So friday we went on a picnic.

*SIGH* I HATE BEING FUCKING TENCHI MASAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, the keyboard project is still going strong, need 3 blue LEDs and some dremel cutting discs and I should be fine.....
6 Punches | I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Time:12:11 am.
zerowulf

is a Giant Ape that is Wreathed with Flames, has Four Sets of Teeth and a Long, Prehensile Tongue, and rides around in a Metal Tripod.

Strength: 9 Agility: 4 Intelligence: 3



To see if your Giant Battle Monster can
defeat zerowulf, enter your name and choose an attack:

fights zerowulf using
I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Monday, July 28th, 2003

Subject:....god....
Time:11:31 pm.
a friend of mine is feeling really down right now so much so that i'm in tears....

god i really hope he doesn't do anything drastic.....

....god....
I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

Subject:Survey I Stole From Steph Who Stole It From Kara Who....
Time:11:06 pm.
Mood: loved.
Hmmm, woke up around 1PM today, got up, took the dog out, cleaned up around the house, had 3 packets of EZ Mac cuz we don't have any boxed mac and cheese...got sick of it. Went out with Jess to the Goodells County Fair. It was lame but at least I was with Jess. Annnnd here's a survey I did.

SurveyCollapse )
I Want You To Hit Me As Hard As You Can!

LiveJournal for Benji.

View:User Info.
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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.